This past week I admit has been very challenging for me. I made this blog to talk about mental health and better ways to cope with anxiety/depression as a trans woman. Hot girls have bad days too. There are days when the dysphoria kicks our ass, or when social anxiety makes it impossible to leave the house, or dark thoughts plague our mind.
I was just having one of those days. The night before I was feeling particularly stressed about some personal issues. I had turned to some old coping mechanisms to make myself feel better in the moment. But all it did (as always) was make me feel worst and this morning I had woken up with the guilt of it tearing me apart. So I called out of work and decided to take a mental health day.
For me a mental health day is about taking the time to process my thoughts, reset my environment, and give myself the proper care I have been neglecting. So without further ado, these are the ways I show myself love after having a bad day.
1.) Light a Candle & open a window
My first priority when it comes to getting myself out of a rut is resetting my environment. The first thing I do is open a window and light a candle.
I feel like the energy in my room is stale or feels like sludge rather. Its heavy and sad. When I open the window to my room I imagine all of that nasty energy leaving my space and being replaced with fresh air. Which truly makes you realize that it is a new day, and you can make it what you want.
Not only that but lighting a candle is something I do to set the intention for the day. I know this might sound wuwu but I imagine the flame is fueling my energy. Almost like we are kindred. Not only that but with the crisp air filling your room, the candle brightens everything up and is a form of aromatherapy.
This is the literal candle I bought from Duane Reade, I was like yeah I need the happiness candle lmao.
2.)Put on a cute set
Something that feels so comforting and also gender affirming is wearing a cute two piece set. I seriously have so many because they’re such an easy thing to throw on and leave the house or feel cute staying in. Wearing a matching two piece makes me feel like I have my life together.
It’s almost a reminder to myself that I’m grown af, I’m responsible, I’m powerful, and even if I’m not feeling the best at least I look cute <3
I usually will opt for a set that doesn’t feel too restrictive, my favorite set is a hoodie and shorts combo like the one pictured below!
3.) Journaling
I don’t care how many times you’ve heard it, journaling is an essential part of mental health hygiene. Seriously it’s like you’re keeping all these thoughts jumbled up in your head. If I don’t journal my mind begins to spin and I find myself in a constant state of anxiety jumping from one nervous thought to the next.
So after I set the intention and opened the window I start journaling, just getting my thoughts onto paper. Starting to peel back the layers of why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling and giving myself room to talk. Journaling is an act of self love because you are allowing yourself to be heard 🙂
I also periodically would return to my journal throughout the day as I would process things and come to my own realizations, adding to what I already wrote. So keep the journal open and that pen nearby.
If you are in the market for a new journal the one below is the exact same notebook I use. I love the size, it’s sturdiness, & that it stays closed lol. I’ve literally bought three of these notebooks, I actually need to buy a fourth soon…
4.) Wash and Fold
The next thing I did was strip my bed and take all my clothes to the laundromat that I had been procrastinating washing. I live in New York where having in unit laundry is considered a luxury. I never wash my own clothes because I think it costs close to the same amount after buying the detergent, fabric softener, and everything.
Not to mention time is money, and the last thing place I want to be is a laundromat after having a bad day. So pay for the wash and fold if and have some peace of mind while you focus the rest of your day on loving yourself.
5.) Reset your environment
Your environment is a reflection of your state of mind. If my room is a mess than my mind is a mess. When you clean your room it feels like you hit the reset button and you return to your default settings.
To me it also feels so grounding and meditative to clean. Cleaning is one of my favorite ways to self soothe. Sometimes I’ll listen to a podcast or some music, on this day in particular I needed to just be in my own thoughts and process what I was feeling so I just listened to the symphony of the city through my window lmao.
If you are in the market for a new podcast thought I’m gonna take the opportunity to plug the Cool Trans Girl podcast! Some other podcasts I enjoy are the Date Yourself Instead podcast and if you’re looking for something funny check out my friend’s podcast, Pioneers & Trailblazers!
6.) Shop for a therapist
I also immediately started looking at therapists online lmaooo. I know that some of us do not have the luxury of being able to afford a therapist however I truly think it is doable for most of us.
I found some therapists that were a little younger, pre certified whatever and most of them had sliding scale 45 min sessions for $40-70 which is totally doable say if I were to go twice or even once a month!
I also strongly encourage you to sign up for state health insurance if you haven’t already I have a tutorial on how to sign up for free insurance in this blog post here.
7.) Feel the feelings
While I was periodically cleaning my room I allowed myself to feel the feelings and work through my emotions. Sometimes you need to cry a little bit more and that’s okay. So I did, I cried a little, reflected, and just allowed myself to release those emotions without judging myself.
8.) Practice Self Compassion
So as I allowed myself to feel the feelings and release emotions without judging myself. I actively challenged my negative thoughts. Which is something I talk about in manifesting your dream life with vision boards anywho.
Another pro tip which may sound bizarre is that when I’m feeling emotional or sad or stuck I imagine my higher self comforting me. I imagine how beautiful, confident, and grounded she is. She embraces me and tells me everything is gonna be okay and that ultimately what I’m going through is going to lead me to realizing myself.
I don’t know if other people do this but is something that I’ve implemented in my life for a few years now and it really does help!
9.) Move your body
After I cried a little I did a pilates workout. Then I cried some more during the workout. I was still angry at the world lol. But after I felt better because I showed up for myself and I made myself do something that I didn’t necessarily want to do.
But don’t think you need to do an intense workout to make yourself feel better. I always am a strong contender for Hot Girl Walks. Seriously they changed my life I said it before and I’ll say it again. You can read about how they changed my life here.
But at the time of this article it is cold af so if you don’t want to go outside I strongly encourage you to try this gentle pilates workout. It’s super easy and is just an amazing way to move your body. I love pilates because the act of doing them feels so gentle and feminine.
This video here is what got me into pilates. I highly reccommend any of her videos, I am currently obsessed with Nicole! She is so sweet and gentle and her videos made me so much stronger.
10.) Get yourself a little treat!
After I did my lil workout I went to the deli and got myself a little treat! My treat of choice was a protein shake. I currently am obsessed with banana, peanut butter, and spinach. Honestly… that’s always been my go to smoothie combo. Try it you can’t even taste the spinach I promise!
Sometimes other treats I’ll get myself are peanut m&m’s maybe a small pack or oreos idk something that nurtures my inner child. Even like grilled cheese or a PB & J. Lol I’m hungry writing this if you couldn’t tell.
11.) Take a Goddess Shower
Some girls refer to this as their everything shower but I’ve always referred to it as my Goddess Shower. So literally shaving my body from head to toe, exfoliating and shaving my legs. Washing my hair etc. I like to take my time, take a hot af shower, and also I’ll bring the candle into the bathroom as well!
If you don’t feel like a goddess or a newborn baby after you’ve got out of the shower changed into some fresh pajamas and moisturized. Then you didn’t do it right.
Below is my holy trinity when it comes to shaving my legs, seriously these are a must when I take my goddess showers!
12.)Blow dry and style your hair
After my goddess shower, and some serious skin care I’ll blowdry my hair which honestly I hate doing in the moment but I’m always so happy I did it the next day because it is a chore. I try to take my time with, I’ve honestly got my blowdry time down to an hour which is pretty good considering the length and thickness of my hair rn.
Anyways I feel pretty good about myself at this point I’m clean, moisturized, and my hair is voluminous and bouncy!
13.) Eat something nourishing
For dinner I’ll make sure to eat something particularly nourishing. Something that I know will make me feel good and won’t leave me hungry for more or feeling overly full.
Though making something is usually the best option I was not about to do that so I got something from Dig. Some chicken, farroh (sp?), broccoli, sweet potatoes, and a cookie yum!
I felt so satiated and satisfied <3
13.)Call some friends
I am so lucky when it comes to my friends, the ones that are closest to me (including my family) know that when I’m quiet I tend to be self isolating so they will reach out and ask how I’m doing.
Towards the end of my night I caught up with my two closest friends. On one hand you’re able to vent a little bit and be vulnerable which feels nice since you’ve been journaling and reflecting all day. Plus someone elses perspective might help you gain more clarity around the situation.
Also just as important you’re able to step outside of yourself and hear about what your friend has been up to! It was nice hearing some entertaining stories from my friends silly lives. Also more than likely your friends are dealing with their own problems that life is throwing at them and it makes you feel less alone.
14.)Work toward my goals (just a little bit)
Everyday I try to work a little bit towards at least one of my goals. Even on my bad days. Whether thats practicing mindfulness, paying off my credit card, working on Cool Trans Girl, or calling a family member.
I did a little bit of brainstorming/ script writing for my podcast which actually became this episode. nothing crazy. I think I only spent 15-20 minutes on it because that’s all the energy I could muster.
15.)Sleepytime Tea
At this point I was pretty fucking tired so yeah I made myself a warm cup of Sleepytime Tea. I use the double strength one cause I don’t play! I add some almond milk and honey to make it feel extra cozy!
I also make sure to take my melatonin as well at this point I’m not sure if its placebo affect but that’s what I do to ensure a night of good sleep.
16.)Manifestation or Quantum Jump Manifestation
Okay I know this sounds crazy but these quantum jump meditations are so powerful. Literally you jump timelines to another dimension and imagine your future self.
I love reminding myself where I want to go and who I want to be because it inspires me for the next day I also love that it’s the last thing I think about before I sleep. This meditation below is one of my faves I listen to it almost every night!
17.)Pass tf out early!
At this point I’m out like a light, going to sleep early so I can feel com pletely reset tomorrow morning. I listen to brown noise or meditation music if I don’t fall asleep from the meditation.
Bonus: Weekly Wellness Newsletter
Every Monday I send out a Weekly Wellness Newsletter which has an iconic quote, a weekly mantra, a journal prompt, and some words of affirmation. I had written the newsletter about a week ago (when I was in a much better headspace).
And honestly I found inspiration from the newsletter, I was like wow I wrote this and I didn’t think about this mantra… that’s insane lmao. Which just goes to show that if I can benefit from the newsletter I had unintentionally sent to myself I know others will to!
Well those are the ways I practice self love after a day of self deprecation. We all have bad days and that doesn’t override any significant progress we may have made. Healing is not a linear journey. If you’ve had a bad day and you’re feeling down on yourself I hope doing some of the things in this blogpost will make you feel better.
Also if you want to start your week off on a positive note sign up for my weekly wellness newsletter below I promise you’ll love it!
Until next time,
Xoxo
CTG Aria
